Story: The Punishment of Fallen Angels
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"Azazel," said Shemhazai, "Why can't we just go to earth and walk among the humans? Surely they will show us a good time." They both went to ask God for a week off. After all, they were angels, and the corruption of vacationing on earth's fine beaches shouldn't impact them too much.
"God... do you mind if Shemhazai and I have a teensy weensie break?" Azazel asked shyly, "we have been working so hard watching over these insolent humans that never follow any of our rules and we just need a break. We've seen how much fun the beach looks! Even Noah had a nice drink of merlot and got to sleep, can we just go for a week? Pleassseeeee."
God was ashamed with his two angels, they were supposed to be happy with the conditions of heaven, "If you inhabit earth, evil inclinations will occur to you," God said, disappointed.
"Ok well then just get rid of the evil then, you're God right? C'mon big papa, open the gates" they said, aggravated that their plea was ignored. God was annoyed with the two, he allowed for them to descend if they promised to be good and so they obliged.
When the angels went to earth they were so amazed by the beauty of the women, the booze and the gambling. They swore they never wanted to go back to heaven with all those angels who were holier than thou and not fun at poker because lying is a sin.
They stayed and enjoyed the earth for a while until God caught up to his promise and they suffered for their crimes. They were no longer special and were condemned to be normal for the rest of their lives here on earth.
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Author's Note:
I wanted to write this as if the two angels were a sort of rebellious child to God that decided they didn't want to put up with heaven much longer. I kind of found influence in the TV Show Parks and Recreation with the character's Mona Lisa and Jean Ralphio, they have always been pretty funny to me and their father just kind of doesn't see the horrible stuff they're doing and lets them get away with whatever. I thought that the story would be more fun if they were a bit personable and less just... fallen angels.
Hi Savannah!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you personify the angels and use a strong dialogue to show their emotions and thoughts right out of the gate. Also, it's a really creative and fun idea to tell the story from their point of view, especially with relatable comments and anecdotes thrown in. Do you enjoy writing dialogues? You're good at it, so I suggest continuing to incorporate them in future stories! Was there a personal perspective in the original story as well? I would love to see more about the original in the author's note to get an idea of how much was your embellishment and what the base story was. I think it's a really great idea to include the story in modern times, but it made me kind of guess at the previous one.
Hey Savannah,
ReplyDeleteI like how you took inspiration from Parks and Recreation and intertwined into this story. I think making the angels rebellious added for a fun twist to the story and definitely made it a good read. Did you consider the angels avoiding punishment from God and continue their fun as angels on earth? That could be a good twist allowing them to reign on earth having fun if you were doing a storybook or portfolio on this story. One suggestion I might make is reference the original story a little more in your authors notes since I haven't read the original. I understood the story because it was really well written but did not know what you were referencing. Another thing I noticed was your blogger theme there are a few that pop out a lot more and provide more color but that is not essential. Overall, really good story keep up the great work!
Hey Savannah,
ReplyDeleteI really did like your lighter take on a typically dark tale! I personally have never watched Parks and Rec, but have a pretty good idea what it's like based on what you wrote: generally light, satirical takes on issues/topics. A question I did have is whether there were other angels involved in the original story? I know from some prior readings of my own, outside of class, that there were thousands of angels which fell from heaven, but I'm a little unclear about when certain ones fell and how many at different points. The only thing I would consider changing is adding a little more details about our two angels, Azazel and Shemhazai. At this point in the story, the two seem very one-dimensional to me and I would like to know a little more about them and understand them better. Overall, great story and excited to see where it goes!
Hi Savannah,
ReplyDeleteMona-Lisa and Jean-Ralphio are some of my favorite TV characters and I think you captured their signature petulance in Azazel and Shemhazai's dialogue with God. It may have been interesting to include conversations between the angels themselves or add descriptive imagery, just to paint a better picture of the angels' personalities and setting. But you can probably keep that in mind for your upcoming stories! I also would have liked to know more about the characters' thoughts once they were punished to stay on earth. I'd imagine that conversation would have been pretty funny with them begging and arguing with God. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!